Officially a half marathon runner. That is all.

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Yes!! I have a date!! Apparently she's burning a cd and buying wine and cider. This is exciting!

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Oh gosh. Major crush.

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Kind of a bit worried. Last month or so my mum had admitted that she's drinking too much. They open a bottle at lunch, around 12 and then drink until they go to bed at around 1030. They probably go through about 6 bottles during the week. My dad is an alcoholic and he's sometimes verbally abusive when he's drunk... But that's old news.

I'm just worried about my Mum, she seems I enable him by saying 'oh, it's 12 let's have a glass of wine!'. I'm now having to drive everywhere after lunch because they shouldnt. But what's really worried me is the last few weeks that mum get on the couch after dinner and is obviously out of it; think kids at parties. She pretty much doesn't remember what I say, tonight i told her to watch out because I had a drink near her feet, 10 seconds later she knocked the glass over and didn't even know anything about it until I was mopping up my full glass.

I don't know what to do. I'm worried. Really worried. And Mum's excuse is that they're stressed. So I feel that me saying anything would be unfair. If this was happening once a week, I wouldn't mind, but now that this is an everyday thing, I DO mind.

Today when we were at the shops, at 330 I said to mum we should go get a coffee to which she said "do you really want a coffee, I'll get you one if you do but I want to go home and have a glass of wine."

The situation is just awkward I guess. I'm trying to pour all my energy into me, and getting better (bar cooking dinner and cleaning up after it 6 days a week), and as much as I'm concerned I don't want/need anymore problems. And I don't want my parents to have problems.

I'm just so unsure as to what to do, I don't think I could handle both parents drinking themselves stupid everyday.

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So talked to my parents, put in a deferral for Uni for one year... Pretty much the aim is to work my arse off this year on my health, food, stress, self opinion etc so that next year I can go back to Brisbane and Uni full time. I Have an appointment with my psych next week so I'm going to talk to her so we can start working on it now. I want to go back to do Uni on campus, and to see my friends... But I don't want things to turn out badly, so I'm going to have to work bloody hard. But I work hard, so I believe I can actually fully recover this year.

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This is the best I've felt about myself and the most positive I've been in more than a year.

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Got my heart rate monitor yesterday and started using it today. Did an hour on the bike on hill mode, Pump and Zumba. Burnt over 1200 calories. I can't believe how much I burnt. Really enjoying this program. My psych talked to me about it, we agreed that having a meal plan takes all the worry and thinking out of things. It's very true. I spend a lot of time worrying about what I can or cant eat, feeling guilty about what I ate.

I feel like instead of worrying so much about everything, I just do it. I think also having a really varied meal plan with lots of existing things has diminished (so far none) need to binge. Having things like lasagne, museli, pizza, curry, sandwihes etc means that I'm not stuck eating the same thing day in day out.

Also because I'm actually eating 1200 calories (or just about - like 1080ish) I'm not hungry and my body is now getting proper nutrition.

I'm a lot more happy. My level of worry had dropped so much and although I'm not happy with how I look I don't think it means that I'm not allowed to enjoy myself. The thing that fuels my depression the most is binge/purging. I really believe if this is no longer part of my life, I can get everything (well, most) things back in order.

I know this 12 weeks itself isn't going to fix my problems, but I think it can help me head jn the right direction and give me the tools to start making these positive changes a way of life.

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Can I just say that I lost 1.4 kg since Sunday. I feel that just eating clean will get me losing some weight naturally. But I'm happy. My aim for then 12WBT is 60kg which is 20BMI. After that, it's 57kg and maintain. I'm really proud of myself. I'm being healthy, eating well, meeting people and feeling happy. Talk to my psych about this too so we're just going to keep an eye to
make sure I'm not getting obsessiveness and start cutting my diet.

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